being 20 is not an easy thing to face. somehow i feel that i couldn't really fit that number. i thought it wouldn't come that fast. you know,being 20 was just a number for me. i didn't really care of age. i wasn't and am not really afraid of getting old. i was totally excited. not until i remember thhat i'm not mature enough for that number. you know,i imagine a bigger responsibility. something that i don't really fit on. i'm 19 years old at this point,and i still feel like a 15 years old girl. for God's sake i feel like i am never gonna get mature enough for any number larger than 15.

so what's being 20? in my mind there was a girl with brown long hair (yes that's me) with a silly outfit and jeans,with flat shoes. walking hand in hand with her mom. and pointing a pair of cute shoes at Gosh Store. damn. that'll be a total FAIL. Jesus. i want something big. you know,it's really a big deal. being 20 is a big deal. i should make a change. a total big change. but what should i do?
wearing heels doesn't make me mature anyway. wearing lense makes me looks stupid. (DUH ._____.) wearing fake eyelashes makes me shemale. (WTF XD) and wearing make up makes me look 20-ish (but not 20. i mean,25,26,27,and so forth. GOD DAMN IT.) so what should i do? really. what should i do?

i might be look ridicilous by thinking of this matter. but uh please i told you. this is serious. i want to make a change. i want everyone see me as a different perrson by passing that stage. oh God. September is coming soon .____. and i still stuck in my bow headbands -_-"

oh well i guess i have to lose weight. it helps me to look 'older'. i guess? =/
without chubby cheeks-i won't be considered as a cute lil girl anymore. i hope.
well let's think about it at anytime else. i gotta concern on my present though. i hope there'll be some good ways to make it happen. so fellas,would ya share with me,is there anything (easy) that could be possible to make me change in a second?